Taking Back the Fun in Learning
I remember each year, being so excited about school. I loved the idea of being able to learn anything and everything. I wanted to know it all! But, by the time we were a few months in, the joy of discovering something new had been replaced with the pressure of tests and grades. Admittedly, I wasn’t very good under pressure. I would study, get special tutoring, meet with teachers before and after class trying to make sure that I understood the concept, but each time I sat down and tried to focus on the test, I would fail.
Unfortunately, when the focus is on performance instead of actual comprehension, kids can walk away feeling like they are just stupid, like I experienced as a child. Each year, I would be convinced, “I’m just not going to get it.” I felt I wasn’t going to learn, so there was no point in further effort. I gave up on going to college or getting a career. My spelling has always been particularly bad, and so I pretty much gave up on ever being able to fulfill my dream of writing a book. (FYI, I have written and published many books since my childhood.)
When kids stop trying, the accusations come flying:
Sadly, despite the fact that I felt very alone in this, I really wasn’t. There are a lot of kids that come to the same conclusion after their hard work fails to pay-off. Sometimes it’s the pressure. Sometimes it’s that there are other background issues that are just making it nearly impossible to focus. But ultimately, when learning stops being the point, well… learning stops. Our kids fail to understand the point of the lesson, because the point is about the test and the grade. It’s not about the topic or subject, and definitely not driven by a love for learning.
As a parent, this can be a really painful process to watch. You know your kid struggles, and others might apply pressure to you to get your kid to do better, but often even that pressure doesn’t work.
Did you know that there is this little-known secret about humans? We actually love learning. We want to know. We want to discover. But when it feels like your life, your future, your reputation, your identity, the approval of your teachers and parents is at stake, that can equate to an insurmountable pressure that makes performance impossible.
Instead of adding pressure, try encouraging kids to look into topics that actually excite them.
Try talking to them about things they learned, rather than the grades they received on an assignment. Ask them about the subjects that interest them the most. Sometimes…a LOT of times…it isn’t even their “best” subject. It might even be the subject that they struggle with the most. Let your kids know that it is exciting when they learn something new. Let them see that you are excited about new things you are learning, too. Show them that their interests matter more than their grades. Give them the chance to talk about what they dislike about a subject and why. A casual, loving conversation can reveal so much and help you and your child come up with a plan to help them work through those tough subjects. It’s time to make the discovery of knowledge fun again!