From What State Are You Homeschooling?

Newton’s first law of motion states that an object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion.  Basically, an object tends to keep on doing whatever it’s doing, unless something else changes the course.  Now, I know, this is a gross simplification, and that Newton was talking about physical objects.  However, it got me thinking about my current state, and whether this idea pertains to our emotional state, too.  

In a previous blog, I mentioned that I began homeschooling from a state of fear.  I was afraid of many things: disappointing my spouse, failing at everything, ruining my children forever… When I was operating from a state of fear, I built carefully constructed boxes into which everything must perfectly fit.  I needed the correct curriculum, and we had to follow it exactly as it was written.  I needed my student to make perfect scores on tests to prove that what I was doing was successful and worthwhile.  Everything must go according to schedule.  There was no time for illness, unexpected visitors, or any of the other curveballs that life throws at us. Failure was not an option.  On paper, the homeschool experiment was a success.  In fact, my fridge door was plastered with the evidence.  In reality, we were on the crazy train, and fear was firmly planted in the driver’s seat.  Our set course was not healthy for anyone.  It took the continued gentle prodding of a friend to change that.  

I was cranky and exhausted.  “I keep finding her playing at her desk or walking around it instead of copying her spelling words,” I cried in exasperation to my friend.  What’s the problem with that?  If the child doesn’t copy her spelling words, then she will not learn how to spell them correctly.  If the child can’t spell her words correctly, she will not score well on standardized tests.  Students who don’t score well on standardized tests do not get accepted to the best colleges.   Young adults who do not graduate from the best colleges do not get the best jobs.  Therefore, if the child does not copy her spelling words, then she will not be a pillar of society, and I will be proven a failure as a homeschool mother.  

“Are you enjoying homeschooling?”  I sat in stunned silence as I contemplated my dear friend’s question.  She may as well have been speaking a foreign language.  Enjoying?  Homeschooling should be enjoyable?  My institutional mindset could not compute.  As the cogs in my brain kicked into high gear, contemplating this new idea, my friend (and homeschool mother of ten) sat, radiating peace.  That single question completely changed my trajectory, and I am forever grateful.

I’ve come to find that enjoying homeschooling one’s children comes from homeschooling from a state of rest.  Rest in realizing what an incredible blessing it is to have children and to be able to homeschool them.  Rest in the knowledge that it’s okay to not be perfect, because you will not be perfect, your students will not be perfect, and your home will not be perfect.  Rest in the fact that each child is uniquely and wonderfully made, and so are you, so your homeschool will not look exactly like anyone else’s.  Rest in the understanding that each person has been given different strengths, gifts, and talents, so, find them together.  Rest in the letting-go of expectations; both your own and everyone else’s.  Literally, physically take time every day to rest your body and mind so that you can finish the journey. 

The leap from the crazy train into a state of rest did not happen overnight.  It did not happen within a week.  It took months, and even years, of one step forward and two steps back.  It came through times of releasing, snatching back, and releasing again.  It came with wracking sobs and songs of joy.  It required deep soul-searching, intense prayer, and the soaking in and pouring out of grace.  

So, friend, I ask you, “Are you enjoying homeschooling?” From what state are YOU homeschooling?